Hand over the Texas Pete and no one will get hurt.

I had, quite possibly, the worst interview today. Awful. I interviewed for the Honors Program at school, which entails a weekly lunch seminar and a research project. The chair of the Honors Program informed us all during the initial pitch that it was not just for lab research, either - the kicker that drew me in. I thought, hmmm - I'll consider it.

So I considered, but the difficulty lies in the fact that you must apply and be admitted your PY1 (first) year. Translation: now or never. Thus, I applied.

The handbook/mission statement of the program was a little vague, and so I wrote a little vague essay about wanting to be surrounded by my most motivated peers, to interact with some of the most talented faculty in my field, etc. etc. I walked into my 15 minute interview today (one I was assured by an older student, an Honors student that would be 'no big deal') figuring that I would impress them with my well-rounded sensibilities, my intelligence, my ability to engage in coherent conversation (a skill that many around me lack) - SOMETHING had to work in my favor, right?

Or so I thought. I go into a room with one of my less-favored professors and a handful of upper class students, who are working on things such as nebulization and novel virus vaccines. We go through what I want to get out of the program, and it immediately starts becoming clear that I'm not sure what I want to get out of the program. This, in my opinion, should be fine - I am, after all, only one semester into pharmacy school. I stated that I wanted to explore the field, see what options were available to me, discover new ways of applying my knowledge. Not good enough. "Yes, well, ok... how are you hoping to translate what you do in the Honors Program into your career?" Well, since I did such a stellar job articulating what exactly it was that I hoped to do in the Program, you can imagine how far I hit that question out of the park. How am I supposed to know how I'm going to translate some as-yet-undecided research project into my future? After my (apparently) less than satisfactory answer, the professor informed me that I would want a well-developed recommendation letter after the experience (No shit - I'm going to work for someone for 2-3 years and not walk away with one measly letter of rec? Grr.)

So I was asked about my prior experience/history. I informed them that I held two Bachelor's - one in Molecular and Cellular Biology, one in Nutritional Sciences. The response to that? The professor went around the room and had each of the students say how many years of work they had done independently before pharmacy school. (5, 7, and 3, for the record). "You see, Melissa, a lot of people come in here with some independent work under their belt. Now I know some members of your class are in this school after only two years of collegiate work... which is fun. It's fun to be young. Well, you're all young, but you get what I'm saying." I didn't know whether or not to inwardly grin at the crack at the "2-years" or to point out the fact that some people take time off to work because their credentials were not strong enough to apply before that experience. (I'm all for bolstering your credentials and getting some experience, but do not turn it into some snide derision of the fact that I graduated with a 3.9 GPA, 2 degrees in 4 years, practically aced the PCAT, all while holding multiple jobs and juggling extracurriculars.) So there was that. When I responded that no, I had no formal benchwork training, I emphasized that the type of research I'd like to do would involve applying the science to the patients, moving the labwork to the clinic. "Translational research is the common term for that."

The interview continued in this awkward fashion for the full 15 minutes. It came down to this: I was expecting something different of the program, and I was not really interested or qualified for the things that this professor kept emphasizing. NO previous lab experience was required or recommended, NO extra-academic work or experience was required/recommended; in fact, the only criteria to apply was to be a PY1 with a certain GPA. Had this been named "Experimental Pharmaceutics Endeavor", I would have known to stay away. This was not how it was presented to me (though I was aware that component existed for those who wished to explore that avenue). It seems silly to me that I can't graduate from the PharmD program with Honors unless I want to do experimental research; if I wanted to do that, I would be getting my PhD.

I walked into the interview and was quickly blindsided by a group of people who were confused as to why I was here if I didn't want to do lab work. A direct quote from the Honors Program handbook regarding the research project: "The project may be in any area related to pharmacy, including the basic sciences, administrative sciences, or clinical pharmacy practice." Maybe if I had encountered a different interview group I would have walked away feeling differently, but it's a very difficult thing to gracefully complete an interview when you're so completely in the wrong situation.

Egh. So I've been feeling icky since then. Not at my lack of lab experience - I never wanted that, so I don't have it. No, I've just been feeling icky because of the silly ass I kind of made of myself fumbling through questions, lacking the tact to verbalize the discrepancies between what had been outlined and what was now in question.

Solution? Comfort foods. Margarita, for sure (felt only mildly wrong having a margarita by myself in my living room at 2pm...), bur also - hot sauce.

That's right. My comfort food is not actually a comfort food at all - it's a condiment. I do put it on all of your traditional comfort foodie items (pizza, french fries, etc...), but it's the sauce... yum.

Well that's my rant, my discomfort of the day. I'll be back later tonight to fill in on the last week. For now, I have to finish my Ham, cheese, and hot sauce Hot Pocket before heading off to work :)