It's hard to let the miles pass me by

Yellow lines that blend together in my eyes

And when the seasons change again then I will too

I just want to be closer to you.

That song has always reminded me of Tucson.

I want to go home right now.

So badly that I crumpled up in my boyfriend's arms a few minutes ago,

tears streaming down my face, 

and I confessed that I just wanted to go home.

What brought this on?  Chopping melons, naturally.

Chopping melons is so summery, isn't it?  And what's the peak, the epitome of summer?  4th of July, baby.  

It's my favorite holiday of the year - no joke.  Above Christmas, Thanksgiving, Valentine's, Halloween, St. Patty's Day, Arbor Day, Rosh Hashana, MLK Day, above all else. (Don't believe me?  Most people don't at first.  But I can back it up and make you think about converting your favorite holiday, I promise - just ask me some time.)

Point being, it's my favorite.  And on this day to celebrate independence, I just want to be as drastically far from independent and self-standing as possible.  I want to totally depend on my family to feed me too much, I want to depend on my friends to make me laugh, I want to depend on my knowledge of the *best* spots to go see fireworks, and I want to depend on the fact that the day will live up to being my favorite.

Chopping melons made me think of summer, of the 4th, of how that's next weekend, of how everyone will already most likely have plans with family/friends, but not us.  I don't even know where fireworks are here.  And just shut the hell up about Google - I know I can just look it up.  The tragedy lies moreso in the fact that I have to look it up.   I could maybe tag along on someone's plans, and I might have even formed my own plans if I had thought about it earlier, but again that's the point - who wants to be a tagalong?  I just want to be someplace where I have that natural net of "Why of course you'll be spending the day with us... what else would you be doing?", where you're just blanketed in and you don't have to plan your way into a day meant for family in friends so you don't end up spending it alone.

Alright, enough wallowing in self pity.  Silver lining:  I still have my Brian.  And we will find fireworks, we will camp out for hours to get a stellar spot, we will eat fried chicken (ultra silver lining - the South may not have family, but no one can touch our fried chicken), watermelon, drink lemonade and beer, just like if we'd been at home.  Here, we may even get a firefly opener to those fireworks :)  So, on the whole, it's not so bad... I just want to be home for my favorite, that's all.